Roll On Life

Varying Degrees of Success

2010-05-30T06:11:00.000-07:00

Our smallholding is finally starting to look good. As I look over our little holding, I can’t help but marvel at the efforts Lena has made to whip the place into shape. She describes the process like being back at school, learning something new everyday.

Sometimes Lena gets disappointed when she fails to achieve a goal related to our smallholding, but then she puts the failure into perspective by drawing lessons from her experience. And this got me thinking about society’s view of success and failure.

The idea of success and the rewards it brings has been the driving force behind man’s achievements since our species took its first tentative steps on this planet. From the first hominids who fashioned tools to hunt for food to a man walking on the moon, success has stood as the ultimate goal of the sum total of our efforts. Indeed, a person’s status in today’s society is often measured by his or her success.

Success brings its own rewards: wealth, adulation and material possession to name but a few of the things that successful people can hope to enjoy. But what about the failures, where do they rank amongst our achievements and why would we rather forget them?

Failure, by definition, is a goal that has not been met or achieved. In short, our effort to achieve a particular goal was not enough or was misdirected. Society tells us that failure is not good and we should avoid it. Telling someone we failed is a no, no! It might make us a lesser person in the eyes of others.

As a teacher, I used to watch my students struggle everyday with the idea that they would either succeed or fail. Success to some of my students was dependent on a number of factors, including the notion that they might get lucky during their exam. But, in nearly every case, the fear of failure played a big role in the student's attitude toward the examination process. Fear impacted on the students in a way that made success difficult to achieve. The students not only needed to study but they also needed to be coached on how to deal with stress under exam conditions if success was not to elude them.

Fear of failure is instilled in us from a very early age. Our parents emphasise, and sometimes over emphasise, the achievements of others to the extent that they expect us, as aspiring stars, to emulate those who have gone before.

Pop Idols, film stars and business gurus are all held up as role models for us to follow. Rarely are we allowed to view success or failure of others beyond the material. Failure to achieve goals, whether they are the ones we set for ourselves or those set by others, will put us at the bottom of the social ladder, such is the nature of our world. The media, our parents and peer groups all reinforce the idea that failure makes us an unworthy person.

I think it is a great shame that society, and the media which feeds it, views success and failure as black and white. It is not. Success is achieved through trial and error and, yes, failure. Without failure we wouldn’t learn anything. Failure is a result. It may not be the result we are looking for but it is a result nonetheless.

If we understand failure as a result then we can take lessons from the steps that led to that result. And here in lies the varying degree of success.

Success is not a single stated goal. It is, more importantly, a set of goals that will lead to the ultimate goal of achievement.

I recall the first time I took my driving test. It was a nerve wracking experience. I was so frightened by the prospect of failing the test that I could barely stop shaking.

At the end of the test the driving examiner handed me a slip of paper saying that I had failed. I was devastated and disappointed. My fear had made passing the test an unlikely outcome.

The driving examiner wasn’t kind either. He had no words of comfort to offer other than to say I should read his comments. His comments weren’t exactly complimentary, but they were useful.

Prior to the driving test I had only one goal, to pass the test. I had given no thought to the process of driving other than getting the car from A to B. I did get the car from A to B in the test, and in that I was very successful. However, there was a little matter of reading the road and driving safely that I had overlooked. I hadn’t considered all the issues that went into driving a car. I was too busy concentrating on the black and white of failure and success. As a result, fear ruled the day and my efforts were misdirected.

The examiner’s comments helped me to understand where I had gone wrong. By analysing my failures during my first attempt I was able to formulate a better plan of action for my next attempt at passing the test. It worked. I passed the test with flying colours and was extremely happy with my performance. I could barely hide my excitement at having achieved my goal. But then the driving examiner gave me another slip of paper which brought me back down to earth.

The slip of paper read: Driving a car is a lifelong learning process. Everyday is a lesson and everyday is a test. Learn how to drive for life.

I was dumbfounded. I thought I had achieved my stated goal but in reality I had only achieved one goal of many that makes a person a good driver.

The driving examiner, despite his cold demeanour, understood that success and failure are not diametrically opposed but instead form a ladder of experience that eventually leads to achievement. Hence failure is nothing more than a degree of success on the ladder of life which we must all climb.

In essence, we should embrace the idea of failure as a step towards success. We should not fear failure because we think it makes us unworthy. On the contrary, it is failure and the lessons we take from it that makes us a better person.

When I look at Lena pottering around the place and at the improvements she has made to our humble home, I know we made the right choice to take a year out to learn something about smallholding in Ukraine. Success for both Lena and me is not about the wealth, adulation and material possession that we will gain from our efforts. They are simply not there to be had, not in smallholding anyway. Success for us will be the cumulative experience of trial, error and failure on our road to achieving a more meaningful and fruitful life through our smallholding. I think it will be a lifelong learning process.

There’s a thunderstorm raging overhead

2010-05-28T06:48:00.000-07:00

After weeks of soaring temperatures, the weather finally broke with a dramatic display of forked and sheet lightening that lit up the night sky. Peels of thunder rolled over our little farmstead with a deafening boom that sent a shudder through Lena and me as we watched nature’s menacing show of power.

The ensuing rain from the storm was most welcome, but the lightening that juiced our power supply for four hours was not. Such is the force of nature that we all have to contend with, and so it is with our lives, too. Like nature itself, our lives experience sunny days and grey days, and, on occasion, a thunderstorm or two.

Sunny days are easy to deal with. They are filled with fun and happiness and we feel a sense of well being when we experience them. The grey days are not so difficult either, so long as we don’t have too many of them and we see them for what they are, an interlude between sunny days. However, it is the thunderstorms in our lives that cause us the most problems, and it is how we deal with them that determine our place in this world.

Ok, what can be considered as a personal thunderstorm or crisis?

Well, everyone has their own ideas on what constitutes a personal thunderstorm, but in most cases it has something to do with loss. For example, the loss of employment ranks pretty high on most people’s list of personal thunderstorms. God knows, most of us have experienced this kind of loss at some point in our careers.

The loss of employment impacts greatly on our freedom to do the things we normally enjoy. Our disposal income is reduced, or evaporates completely, to the extent we must sacrifice in order to make ends meet. Out go the little luxuries we so often take for granted. We stop going to the gym or clubs we would normally frequent. We simply can’t afford it. If that is not bad enough, our perceived sense of social standing in the community takes a big hit, too.

Yes, losing ones job is, indeed, a big thunderstorm to contend with, but it can also be seen as an opportunity for change and enlightenment. Losing your job need not be a catastrophe. Instead, it can be looked upon as a chance to do something that really sets your passions alight, something that transforms fear of loss into the inspiration for gain. In short, losing your job can mean a fresh start.

My recent personal thunderstorm, however, had nothing to do with the loss of employment. It had to do with bereavement. We all lose someone close to us at some point in our lives. We are born, we live and then we die. It is the natural order of things in our world. However, it is the experience of living and how we treat others that causes us the most problems when it comes to bereavement.

Although we accept death as inevitable, we are less inclined to accept regret as part of the process. And bereavement is very much about regret as it is about the sense of loss. Few, if anyone, see bereavement as an opportunity for change. Even if we do make changes as a result of losing a loved one, how does that benefit the person we’ve lost? It doesn’t, not materially anyway.

I recall upon learning of my son’s sudden death how I wished I had told him how much I loved him before he passed away. I had thirty-four years to tell him but I didn’t take the opportunity when it was on offer. I deeply regret not taking a moment or two to express my feelings for my son, but it is a regret that I could have avoided if the truth be known.

Sadly, the relationship between me and my son was not good, and as a father I must assume full responsibility for that state of affairs. The problem with life, especially the speed at which we live our lives, is we’ve forgotten how to avoid the thunderstorms that come about of our own making.

My regret over the loss of my son stems from the fact that I didn’t take the time to make a call, send a text or even an email to find out how he was doing. I was too busy with less important matters that I failed to see the sand running out of the hourglass. A simple message to my son would certainly have eased the pain I feel today. It might even have changed the circumstances of our relationship. Unfortunately, it was not to be. So what is the lesson here?

As much as I would like to, I can’t change the past or bring my son back. And, unlike losing a job, the idea of a fresh start seems somewhat inappropriate. So what I can do?

Well, I can take the bitter experience of this personal thunderstorm and try to turn it into something positive. I can start by offering a few words of caution to readers of this site. The caution is this: there is nothing in this life, including money and social status, more important than those you love. Regret is probably the most distasteful personal thunderstorm you will ever experience. Avoid it if you can by taking the time to tell those closest to you how much you love and appreciate them. It certainly won't ease the pain of losing someone close to you but it might help you come to terms with your loss that much quicker.

Building Fences

2010-05-15T05:18:00.000-07:00

Building fences around your property is a time consuming and costly event. The reason why we build fences is to protect our property and to secure our privacy. Today, as I was building a fence around our duck pen, I couldn’t help wondering how difficult it is to build a physical fence and how easy it is to build an emotional one. Then I began to ponder the difference between the physical and the emotional. So what is the difference?

Well, it struck me that the physical fence is there to protect what is rightfully ours and to keep the outside world from coming in, whereas an emotional fence is there to keep us from venturing beyond our comfort zone. It then occurred to me that the emotional fences we all seem to create for ourselves so quickly and easily are actually there to prevent us from learning and experiencing new things.

Before Lena and I began our adventure down on the farm, both physical and emotional fences had played a large part in determining our daily lives. There were the constraints imposed by our need to work in order to earn money, a huge physical fence in and of itself. Work took up most of our time and we seldom saw each other from one day to the next. Then there were the emotional constraints imposed on our ability to break away from the comfort zone of our daily routine. We were safe and earned enough income so we could afford one or two of life’s little luxuries. Why change?

None of us really likes change. Comfort zones are there to be enjoyed, after all. However, for Lena and I change was necessary. We were being squeezed by the pressures of a world that held little enjoyment or satisfaction for us. Work and modern living seemed like an empty vessel into which we were pouring our lives. We both felt that we were wasting our time and as a result we suffered dreadfully from stress, so much so that it threatened our health and our relationship. Hence, we decided to give up everything and move to our small holding on the River Danube.

Whilst the physical effort of moving to our small holding has been very demanding, emotionally we feel extremely liberated. Our comfort zone may have gone but in exchange we’ve gotten something much better in return.

We no long accept the concept of ‘can’t do because of this that or the other’. Instead, we embrace every day as a challenge, something fresh in which we can get our teeth into. We actually learn something new from each day’s experience. For example, until today I had never built a fence or had even given consideration as to way we build fences. Now, I walk away from my fence building experience in the knowledge that I have new and usable skills and, more importantly, a better perception of what it means to be free.

Strawberry Fields Forever

2010-05-12T11:27:00.000-07:00

Strawberry season begins today. That means everyone is taking to the fields to pick this year’s early strawberries in the hope of netting a high price at market. From what I’ve seen of this year’s crop, it looks like it will be a good harvest, which is not so good for sellers. With the exception of the first few days, prices are likely to be depressed. Coupled by the constraints imposed on consumers by the financial crisis engulfing Ukraine, it is unlikely that profits from this years harvest will meet expectations. I hope I’m wrong. In any event, with a glut of strawberries on the market there will be no shortage of jam this year.

I'm Singing In The Rain... I Wish!

2010-05-12T11:25:00.000-07:00

One of the things about an English summer is the fact that you can nearly always guarantee that it will rain practically every week. This is not the case in this part of Ukraine where you can expect the sun to shine from mid April until September. For holiday makers that is a good thing. It is not so good for the small holder, as we are finding out to our cost.

After four weeks of increasing temperatures we are desperate for the clouds to deposit some much needed moisture. As we speak, there is not a cloud in sight. The plants are growing, of course, but only after excessive watering from the well, which is running at only 50% capacity. One lives in hope that we will get some rain by the weekend. It might relieve the pressure on our depleted water reserves.

Such is life down on the farm

2010-05-09T23:01:00.000-07:00

Up at the crack of dawn... animals to feed and veg patch to weed. Such is life down on the farm.

The past week was hectic. It began last weekend with Mayday Celebrations and tapered off yesterday with a VE Day parade in the local square. Ukrainians and Russians are big on remembering their fallen from WWII, not surprising since they lost over 22 million souls during that conflict.

Mayday was spent on the River Danube enjoying a traditional barbecue. Some of Lena’s family had come over from Moldova to celebrate the beginning of barbecue season. I do enjoy the meat and other food products produced on the family’s respective farms, not to mention the strong full bodied red wine which each household makes at the end of every year. Each wine is different, ranging from a sweet rich pudding wine reserved for children to the dry rasping reds that most adults seem to enjoy here.

In the evening the whole family went to the town’s main square to dance and give thanks for this season’s catch of Slotka, a migratory fish that enters the estuary of the River Danube at this time of year. Ukrainians salt the fish and store it for eating during the lean winter months. Personally, I am not a lover of salt fish, but I do like Slotka when it is fried with a hint of garlic and lemon.

Mayday holiday in Ukraine is something to behold, and I do enjoy watching the people shake off the shackles of a harsh and prolonged winter. They come alive in much the same way as the tulips and daffodils and the blossoms that seem to adorn our streets during the spring months. It is a period of happiness, hard work and expectation.

Anyway, enough of the romance, last week also saw the arrival of our ducks which brought our total poultry inventory to 140 birds, nearly all destined for our breeding programme. We’ve got the space to expand but I am not convinced that we’ve got the energy. We will see. Lena is a dynamo when it comes to work, and she is a marvel at managing the birds.

Today, Monday, will see further renovation of our outhouses. We need to store wood and coal for the coming winter months and those outhouses not being used to house birds are just not fit for purpose. I think it will be a long day.

Before we start renovation work, we need to get into the garden to weed out the grass growing between the rows of potatoes. God willing, we anticipate a bumper crop. Well, enough to take us through the winter, I hope.

Some good news on the orchard front, it looks like we are going to have an excellent harvest of early cherries. This means stacks of jam and comport (fruit juice) this coming summer. Sadly, we don’t have any strawberries, Lena’s favourite fruit. However, that will be remedied this coming June when we put in an acre of new strawberry plants.

Strawberries go like hot cakes, and a good crop will provide the farm with much need income next year. Right now we are paying out money to build the farm so it will be nice to see some income coming in during the months ahead.

We are also hoping to plant some peach trees as an investment in the future. Peaches in this neck of the woods are a high end crop and could potentially net us a tidy little profit over and above what we make from the rest of our produce.

Although our little farm is hard work, I’m actually enjoying the experience. It beats being in the classroom for hours on end. However, having said that, I do miss my colleagues and students back home in England.

Day Three

2010-05-01T12:27:00.000-07:00

Day three was spent cutting wood. Oh what fun... my backaches, my hands hurt and I know for certain that I will never be a lumberjack! How do you guys do it?

The dearth of scrap wood, fallen tree branches and the like scattered around the place means that we will not be short of fuel for the next few months. However, it is going to take a supreme effort to cut it all down to a manageable size. This is where technology will have to come in. An axe and my arms are simply not going to do it. I will need to purchase a chainsaw to do the job.

Cherries and Apples

2010-04-30T23:54:00.000-07:00

One of the delights of our new home is the cherry and apple orchard. There are some twenty five trees that are fruit bearing. Unfortunately, some of them will need to be cut down because of disease. Naturally, we will replace them like for like to maintain the balance planned by the original planter.

Maintaining the orchard is really going to be a labour of love. I was thinking of hosting a few beehives within the orchard itself. I know nothing about beekeeping but I think it would be a natural fit for our micro farming efforts. Anyone who knows anything about beekeeping please feel free to offer your advice.

Today is a rest day, if such a thing exists on a farmstead. There is always something to do.

First Day

2010-04-29T00:28:00.000-07:00

We finally moved in. What fun that was. We were absolutely exhausted by the time we got to bed, and we needed to be up again at five.

The chickens and geese have yet to arrive, which is no bad thing since we need to do some renovation work to the nesting pens. I should say that Lena is doing the renovation to the pens as she likes playing with the mud that goes into making the walls. I must confess that I enjoyed playing in the mud when I was a child, but I can't say I care for it now.

Village life in Ukraine is very interesting in as much that people here have maintained a sustainable closeness to their environment, more so than some of the eco friendly societies that I know back home. This is not a criticism of course, just an observation. Any organization or group that respects or strives to live closer to their environment is ok in my book.

The walls of our new home are made of mud and straw bricks. This has more to do with economy of scale than environmentally friendly practises. Mud and straw are easy to come by and once dried the bricks offer good insulation against the agonisingly cold winters in this part of the world. The internal and exterior walls are nearly two feet thick in places. They are cheap and easily maintained, even if they lack the aesthetics of a modern brick building.

Our heating system leaves a lot to be desired. It is probably less efficient than anything I’ve experienced in the past, but it does have one advantage. The system allows us to burn all our household debris. So, as most things on the farmstead are recycled, we have little use for landfill sites.

We have two sources of water – one is a well that is in dire need of renovation. The second comes from the village itself through a central mains system, which is a good thing. However, there is a downside. We only get intermittent water supply from the central mains, hence the need for a well. So I think one of our first jobs will be to secure our water supply both for ourselves and our livestock.

Roll On Life

2010-04-26T20:55:00.000-07:00

Roll On Life

As I'm so far away from home, I thought I'd give this a go so that my friends and family can keep abreast of what I'm doing and why.

Well, we've finally got our little farmstead close to the River Danube on the Ukrainian and Romanian border. Although the place is a little run down, it does boast a small apple and cherry orchard, which is rather pretty with all the blossoms hanging from the trees. There is five acres of land altogether, enough to grow your fruit and vegetables for the year.

Getting the place into order so that we can move in has been hard and tiring work. I think my hardest job to date was in building a new toilet. A simple hole in the ground, commonly known as the long drop, was simply not good enough for someone of my delicate and westernized demeanour. It took three days to build the new out house and I must confess it looks rather good in comparison to the original black hole. Anyway, the day has finally come for us to move into our new home. Our first stock of geese and chickens will arrive shortly after our arrival, so lots of work to do before nightfall.

We've had to be selective on what animals to keep because of our limited resources. Keeping and breeding animals can be an expensive business and as we only have a small holding, our production is limited to fast turn around products such as eggs and poultry. Originally we were going to keep pigs. But as the return on investment in pork production is dependent on economies of scale, we decided to forego the pleasure of having pork chops running around the place.

We do have one addition to the family, a small puppy of dubious parentage. He's a pretty little thing and only time will tell if he is of any value as a guard dog. As it stands, all the fuss that he is receiving is likely to render him a cuddly and expensive mouth to feed. Oh well, such is life.